I’m convinced that this idea of “love” doesn’t exist in the way it has been universally projected. There are so many different meanings of love, how could anyone be sure if what they’re experiencing is the love that leads to commitment?
Allow me to explain further.
On one hand, we think love is about being head over heels for a person. We imagine it’s like syncing our heartbeats with another.
But then you have Jason Derulo stating he just want that SAVAGE LOVE!
Did somebody, did somebody
Break your heart?
Lookin’ like an angel
But your savage love
When you kiss me
I know you don’t give two fu$ks
But I still want that..Your savage love.
You could use me
Cause I still want that, your savage love
And although we clearly comprehend this song is just for entertainment, make no mistake about this…someone had to experience this emotion in order to put it into a melody!
Companies generate tons of dinero from this romanticized idea of love on Valentine’s Day. Couples obligate themselves to recognize this one day of Love just because someone wrote it into a calendar and dictated that love would be celebrated on that day. And again, companies get filthy rich from this!
We pay all of this money to bedazzle our left hand’s 4th digit with metals and crystals.
Americans spend thousands on lavish weddings all because of LOVE!
Governments generate millions on this word “love” by having us pay for contracts promising to commit. And when it doesn’t work they gain even more for the costs of separations and divorces.
So what is love all about?
Why is it that we have all these expressions of love?
Well, I’ve reached a pivotal point in my living where I’m wondering the same thing Tina Turner pondered in 1984.. “What’s Love Got to Do with it?”
In my own words, LOVE ain’t got nothing to do with nothing!!! (This is my G-rated version for those with sensitive eyes).👌😂
But seriously, we should be told the REAL DEAL about Love….that it is largely a word to cover several different expressions instead of an infinite proclamation.
In this post, I will show you why you have no clue what love is really about. You think you know, but you have no idea!
HUE-women and men flick on and off like light switches. It’s in our nature to be fickle (some more than others…no shade).
We can feel ONE way at (this) moment in time YET feel the complete opposite in .02 seconds due to our hormones and due to the trickery ideologies that have been programmed into our subconscious mind making us confused.
We use this word love so carelessly everyday not realizing it carries detrimental vibrations. This word leaves deep scars on peoples’ heart, soul, and mind.
Unfortunately, some have been physically and/or mentally abused with this term far too often. Because of our various genetic make-ups and our distinct upbringings, it affects us all differently.
Love modeled by guardians
Parents, it’s important to know that we play a vital role in the development of our children. What message are we instilling in our babies?
Children hear “I love you” at least 3 times a day, yet some adults, in anger, will raise their hand to strike their child when their offspring does something opposite of what they suggested. This teaches children that love must come with a balance of pain and comfort. Is that veritable?
I think it sends a perplexing message. We will encourage our children to hastily leave relationships that include domestic violence, but through some of our own efforts to “mold” our offspring, we actually are teaching them to accept hitting as a form of love.
It’s not suprising why some find themselves in various relationships becoming comfortable with episodes of abuse mixed with a little bit of consolation. Some accept this phrase “I love you” from a person whose actions say otherwise, because they have been groomed from infancy to recognize this pattern of inconsistent emotions as love.
What is love?
What is truly the meaning of this appellation…”Love”. Are we correctly acting out its intended meaning yet assuming love is suppose to be something else more grandeur?
For the progenitors of this vocable, it’s clear to me that love covers multiple sentiments. If you’ve only fancied one definition of love, then brace yourself because this information may send shockwaves through you.
The word love can be used as a verb or noun.
As we know a noun describes a person, place or thing. A verb is an expression of an action, occurrence, or state of being.
Let’s see what the definition is according to Online Etymology Dictionary.
Old English lufian “to feel love for, cherish, show love to; delight in, approve.
Weakened sense of “like” attested by c. 1200. Intransitive sense “be in love, have a passionate attachment” is from mid-13c. To love (someone) up “make out with” is from 1921. To love and leave is from 1885.love (n.)
Old English lufu “feeling of love; romantic sexual attraction; affection; friendliness; the love of God; Love as an abstraction or personification.
The Germanic words are from PIE root*leubh- “to care, desire, love.”
*taken from: http://www.etymonline.com
This is why I always like to examine the original usage of a word, etymology, instead of running with my perceived interpretation of a word. This breakdown leaves room for no confusion in my eyes. Above, we have at least 7 different interpretations of what love means.
Now let’s break down why this even matters!
You must ask a person to clarify HOW they love you.
In essence, if a person says “I Love You” it is crucial to get further validation of what they mean.
Simply ask, “In what way do you love me?” Because a person can use this utterance however they wish and you don’t want to leave the door open for any confusion.
- They may be in love with the idea of seeing you everyday so they can experience the joy and laughter you bring to their life.
- They may be in love with your personality.
- They may ONLY have a strong sexual desire for you.. I love (desire) to make love (have intercourse) with you.
- OR they may only care for you as a friend. Ladies and fellas..how many times have you heard this one? I love you, but only as a friend.
- A person may love you from the perspective of becoming attached primarily and exclusively to you, BUT his is when the definition of love this is the part that gets tricky if it’s not mutual. Ever been told “you’re too clingy” or “you’re too attached.” Ding ding ding! You got it! That person loves you BUT not in the attachment phase of the word!
These are all expressions of this word..LOVE. One expression may develop from the other, but this is not the case all of the time.
If you are the person saying I love you:
Try to make your intentions clear before AND after letting this noun/verb slip from between your lips. If you’re not sure then simply don’t use the word at all. Try saying “I care about you” instead. Or if you enjoy their comedic personality then state that. If you desire sex, then say that. Just be honest!!! Give the person on the receiving end an opportunity to fairly decide if they want to engage with you in amy way.
If you are the person on the receiving end:
Regardless of who is speaking those words, make sure you have a full awareness of what that person means. It may save you in the long run from a achy heart and soul drowning in a sea of uncertainties.
Can you engage in sexual activity with a person without love?
Many believe that they can engage in sexual activity with a person without dealing with “love” but sex IS a manifestation of love according to the etymology.
To make love is from 1570s in the sense “pay amorous attention to;” as a euphemism for “have sex,” it is attested from c. 1950. Love scene is from 1630s. Love affair “a particular experience of love” is from 1590s.
No matter how much we hear rappers say “we don’t love them h0€$”….regardless of how some try to twist it up to suit their physical lusts….If you make the conscious decision to exchange bodily fluids with someone else, know that it’s going to be LOVE in at least one of the person’s mind.
Love from an unhealed space is largely conditional.
Although I have taken you through this understanding of what love is, realize that this breakdown is from a conditional standpoint.
Also recognize that we as humans have had to define love and break it up in many forms because we have been existing on the planet as internal wounded children, but external adults.
The way that we compartmentalize people, the most common love that most of us experience DOES come with conditions. IF (This) THEN (that). If you are (this), then (that).
Being unhealed in certain areas of our life can cause us to adapt to situations and environments according to our pyschological and physcial needs at a given moment. It’s like survival. And some of those needs are obscured based on programs that may have been downloaded into our subconscious from traumatized guardians or our ideas of how those needs must be met are warped due to a violation in a few childhood developmental areas.
Conditional love in familial relationships and friendships.
Love in a friendship (even amongst family) is an expression of deep care/concern for a person. But even these bonds can be conditional.
How and why?
Simple. The love in friendships or familial relationships can be used as a coping mechanism. Due to experiencing abandonment as a child, we may hold obligations over besties or loved ones to answer the phone immediately when we call. We expect them to always be available for us with no opt-outs or the relationship is in jeopardy of being cut off.
I know many who have experienced being used as a bank. A family member may constantly ask to borrow money interest-free! When you say No for the first time, you’re treated as if you’re an evil or selfish person. This is what conditional love from a family member looks like.
Sometimes once an individual is done USING your time for whatever benefits they may obtain, you can be dropped in an instant like a Hot Pocket fresh out of the microwave. We all do it. In friendships, if you do something in accordance with one of your negative personality traits, that “friend” who made claims to “love” you can easily just ignore your calls or block you on social media.
I wish this topic of love was less complicated, but since the word was created by fallible human beings, it will always be a complicated expression.
The conclusion of conditional love.
We all experience things in this realm to generally encourage us to learn lessons, and I’m grateful that I have been able to channel all of these life moments into a model that I can gain perceptions from. My understanding is this…sometimes conditionally-loving humans enter our lives to teach us that we aren’t loving ourselves unconditionally, and therefore become a catalyst for our self-love and unconditional love towards others.
That may not make sense to you whatsoever if you have never had to radiate L.O.V.E. (Loads of high Vibrational Energy) past deep hurt. So if you’re confused, read my post on how to radiate unconditional love past hurt. In it, I describe how I was able to continue to send out high vibrational frequencies from my aura regardless of being wounded emotionally. I was able to do this from a genuine place and not from a space of denying my pain.
Although I have turned my pain from conditional love experiences into purpose, I always keep in mind that not everyone is mentally capable of juggling the rollercoaster effects from it, at least not in the beginning when maybe the lesson hasn’t quite revealed itself to us.
So to protect ourselves, it’s important for us to recognize when a person may not be a beneficial addition to our life.
Here are some clues that a relationsip is more toxic than it is a karmic lesson, and you may have to disconnect to maintain peace of mind.
- If a person seems uninterested in your feelings concerning how their love affects you negatively. They appear nonchalant and seem to treat you poorly without wanting to seek guidance from a therapist to gain insight of the root of their behavior.
- If it seems to be more loving energy given to this individual on your behalf, but there is zero to little positive energies returned. It seems like more take than give in the relationship.
Healing plays a major role in surpassing the conditional threshold of Love.
Until we HEAL, we will always behave in the above ways when expressing love. The secret with unconditional love is that there are no conditions. There are no words to even verbalize this form of love; it can only be expressed.
OVER/INNERstand that “unconditional love” cannot exist in these above circumstances. Unconditional means without conditions....without restrictions…absoluteness…
In the following posts, I describe to you what unconditional love encompasses.
If you have found any of this information to be helpful, do others a favor by SHARING so that they can learn a unique perspective on love as well!