As young girls, we are groomed to prepare for that magical knight in shining armor that will sweep us of our fit and whisk us away to Lover’s Land.
We envision our life will be this Happily Ever After fairytale with lots of love and maybe even a few children added to the union.
We are taught that the man and woman become one in holy matrimony after they sign a marital contract. And we deem this love contract the most sacred contract of our life!
Now, don’t get me wrong! I’m a sucker for love! I believe in the powerful and magnetic bond between two people. And I will go over the significance of union in relation to a child’s wellbeing in another post.
In this post, I want to touch on the importance of self-love PRIOR to joining any other union!
Why isn’t it popular to teach our young girls about the love contract that supersedes a marital contract? Why isn’t it taught that the most significant union one will ever face is the wholly union with their own soul?
My oldest daughter was the inspiration behind this self love contract idea. One day, after watching the movie Good Burger, she walked into my room and wanted me to sign a friendship contract.
She had gotten this idea from Kenan, who wanted Kel to sign a “friendship contract” that, unbeknownst to Kel, was a way for Kenan to gain most of Kel’s profit from his Good Burger sauce.
This was a teaching moment for me.
I realized that in real life, we ask a person outside of ourselves to marry us until death do us part, and we often do this before we reach the point of loving our SELF.
We ask someone external of ourselves to love and accept all of me when we don’t even love and accept all of ourselves!
We have this requirement for our true love to show us off on social media AND in public.
We’re quick to say IF YOU LIKE IT, THEN PUT A RING ON IT….
But we don’t even show ALL of ourselves on social media or in public. The world only knows the parts of us that are agreeable!
Some of us still have an unloved part of ourselves somewhere tucked in a closet, estranged from us, because we’re too afraid to accept the challenging aspects of that self. We hide certain parts of ourselves so that we can be liked by our peers. But we want someone else to come along and do all of that…show us off, love and accept us, and be unafraid to tell the world about us. How ironic is that?
The Self-love Contract Prelude
You have to make a choice between two options....
(A) Be anchored in an incompatible space in order to be accepted conditionally.
(B) Journey in the opposite direction that soothes your heart and inner spirit.
Which would you choose?
This is the ultimate deciding factor of whether you are indeed READY to sign that self-love contract.
Remember, this is the MOST IMPORTANT and most sacred love contract that you will ever have to sign. And just like we are warned/coached into making sure we are truly ready before we make a vow to love someone else, I have to give you the disclaimer to what signing this love contract will do, which, in most circumstances, is not something that is easily undone.
1. This won’t be trendy.
You will not make the decision to love yourself fully and all of a sudden gain 1 million likes/followers.
2. This will be a private ceremony.
All of your kin and close associates will not be invited. This is a ceremony that involves you and you only…no witnesses. There will be no photographer following you around to snap memorable moments.
3. There are times where you will feel alone.
But this is okay, because the gift that you receive for choosing yourself first is an eternal, everlasting auditor that will always put you back into alignment whenever you drift into an unloving scenario.
4. It will hurt before it feels euphoric.
I have to give you the bitter truth…it will hurt like hell at first! Unalike the love that you were taught about concerning your external soulmate, this union will involve lots of shed tears.
You have probably practiced unloving, destructive, and toxic habits for so long before arriving at this point. Unraveling those destructive cycles, relearning who you are, and walking into a path as your authentic self. Be prepared to say goodbye to those you once knew. Some will welcome the new you with open arms, but just know the very ones that you anticipated would be happy for you during such a huge step in your life, you may be highly disappointed to learn that they will not be as enthusiastic as you will be.
When you see this, pick your head up and roll your shoulders back. You better not second guess this union. This I PROMISE YOU, it HURTS before it HEALS, but that healing is so worth it. Once you are done with this ritualistic ceremony, you won’t ever be the same again. The new life that is waiting for you will be so much more enriching than your prior life and you will thank yourself later for trusting your gut.
My choice to exclusively love/accept myself prior to any other union.
My choice to the question above is (B), which is synonymous with honoring my soul’s desires, which is also synonymous with HONORING MY LIFE PATH.
I would choose this option with a blindfold because the sound of it speaks to my heart.
- the heart regarded as the center of a person’s thoughts and emotions, especially love or compassion.
- courage or enthusiasm.
- the central or innermost part of something (middle, hub, CORE.)
Heart is also eartH:
- the substance of the land surface; soil.
- the substance of the human body.
- connect (an electrical device) with the ground.
The earth is green, which symbolizes health, prosperity and abundance.
My only choice IS to choose my heart in order to thrive. And I would choose this path UNapologetically a thousand times over.
In this moment, I’ll chase after my SELF….
- one’s own interests or pleasure.
- a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.
………until (she) is loved the way (she) DESERVES to be loved and thriving in a life that (she) deserves to live (remain alive). Loving ALL OF MYSELF is what keeps me alive. I wouldn’t stop pursuing (her) until (she) assents to the unconditional love the other part of me offers. I won’t ever shove (her) away to be hidden by the world because I’m too afraid to love (her) authentically. (SHE) is the ULTIMATE BEING that I will chase after relentlessly because it would be unwise of me to sit idle and watch (her) walk out of my life again.
I love ALL of myself 💙💚❤💛💜
Reread and replace the parentheses with the proper pronoun for yourself. Affirm this to yourself as many times as necessary until you are in a space of never ridiculing Y.O.U (Your Own Uniqueness) again.
Repeat this until you no longer feel estranged from the other side of your beautiful essence that you have suppressed to make everyone EXCEPT yourself happy. And forgive yourself for doing so.
Know that you were created to be EXACTLY who you are.
Now, think of this concept if you are someone who is attempting to magnetize a more compatible counterpart to you…someone who actually aligns with the AUTHENTIC YOU and not the false self you have portrayed.
The more you are unloving to any part of yourself, the more estranged your true love will be from you. The more you love and accept all of yourself, the closer you will draw a true unconditionally loving partner to yourself.
Even if you are CURRENTLY in a relationship or marriage and you have skipped this vital step in uniting with your soul and loving yourself first, it’s never too late to do so.
It all starts with You! Self-love is the greatest love of all.
Now that you have made the decision to love yourself fully, head over to Flowerchild777’s Freedom Self-Love Pledge to affirm your union back with yourself.