Before you begin to read this text, PLEASE review two other important posts to have a general overview of who I am, and my stance on religion. “Welcome to my Blog” and “About Me”..
If you find this relative information contradicting to your religious beliefs, I will warn you that this will not be one of my blog posts to read.
My current stance based on my personal experience is that YES I’m positive something greater exists that I don’t quite understand yet. But I KNOW FOR A FACT I will not find it in Christianity or any other religion..but within myself and my own spiritual experience.
For those who are not easily offended with other’s personal accounts of breaking free from religion, or have no attachments to organized religion, I welcome you to read my experience, if you choose.
*NOTE: THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE. YOU ARE WELCOME TO SHARE YOURS. HOWEVER, ANY PERSUASIVE ATTEMPTS TO STEER ME OR OTHERS INTO AN ORGANIZED RELIGION WILL NOT BE ALLOWED ON THIS BLOG.*
This will be extensive..so I will break it up into multiple parts.
Also bear with me through this post because I cannot elaborate on every single detail of my experience. It would turn into a novel. This is just an overview, not necessarily in chronological order. If ideas seem to bounce around, forgive me! I have compiled as much as I can in this text to satisfy the curiosity of those who want to know WHY I don’t follow the Christian doctrine anymore.
Also I have not included ALL of my research material. It is not my duty to give all of this. I had to seek and find for myself because this is something I truly wanted. If you are interested in anything I speak on, please do your due diligence and make it a point to research and verify EVERYTHING that is stated as facts. 🙂
*DUE TO FAMILY PRIVACY AND PRIOR MILITARY AFFILIATION I WILL NOT DISCUSS COMPLETE REASONS FOR LEAVING THE U.S. THIS IS ONLY AN OVERVIEW*
Again..this is MY story.
September 3rd, 2016, My life partner and I made a conscious decision to leave the US permanently. We sold all of our belongings and announced to the world that we were transitioning to a new lifestyle and that our first stop would be Colombia.
“Well, what’s in South America?”
“I don’t know about that…make sure the babies are safe at all times.”
“Y’all are not leaving, y’all are just talking.”
All of these responses were very confusing because the same people who were taught to move when the “holy spirit” says move appeared to be back peddling on this idea. They couldn’t quite grasp the idea that our spirits were moved in a different direction than normal.
Although we were vague on social media about the “in-depth” reasons for leaving, we were very open with close family. We got remarks such as:
“Are you sure it was the right spirit telling you”.
“Test it, cuz Satan is a master deceiver”. “Don’t leave”
“It’s going to be worse there, and y’all are going to come back”.
“What’s happening HERE in the U.S. is happening EVERYWHERE! You can’t escape it!”
From Hebrew Israelites I heard,
“God will send a sword after anyone who leaves the land of captivity”.
Insisting that the 400 year captivity “prophesied” in Genesis hasn’t been fulfilled yet..
“We will be saved in 2019, after the great tribulation, and only then will a way be provided for us to leave.”
These statements didn’t resonate as facts with me. I questioned…why would a “God” keep us bound to one location in order to PROVE to others that “HE” was Almighty, and able to make things happen to free “HIS” people? This beautiful earth that The Creator made, I can’t travel freely to see for myself? I’m going to be punished for my curiosity of the Creator’s artwork?!
..Sounded extremely sketchy….
Aside from all of these comments, there were a few who gave words of encouragement and wished us a prosperous journey. They told us that they would pray for our protection along the way.
After all of the various feedback, I generalized that every person has a different concept of who “God” is based on their own fears and insecurities. Some ideas have been widely shaped by religion. From my experience in Christianity, religion sort of institutes boundaries for a person’s thinking capacity. Moreover, we are taught to FEAR GOD. So I wasn’t completely surprised by the remarks I was receiving in regard to our decision to leave.
It was fear that whispered in their ear to tell us “God said….don’t leave”.
Yep, I’m guilty of this as well, I’m not perfect by a long shot. I once told others “God told me to tell you this..” or “God said…” without having a better analogy of who/what “God” really was. Thinking back, probably 85% of the instances where I spoke the words “God said”….it really should have been “Tish said”.
I love my family/close friends and I have empathy for their genuine efforts to understand “God”. But as the veil keeps lifting, there are certain realizations we will soon all have to come to terms with. It is ultimately a choice we will make to ignore facts and keep faith, or to examine facts and follow spirit/truth.
So I only stated that to give insight on what this journey has been like for us. Not to mimic anyone’s belief because:
#1. I have my history with Christianity. I was apart of the church choir and praise dance ministry my entire childhood.
#2. I don’t even know it all, so I dare not force any “conscious knowledge” down anyone’s throat like I have in the past.
At this point in my life, I respect everyone’s level of understanding in terms of who or what “God” is. It’s not going to affect my life whatsoever how someone else sees “God”.
The only problem I have is with those who bash others for their decision to not believe their faith. Those who believe their “God” (or what they conceive is God) is BIGGER AND BETTER than another person’s analysis of “God”…
I have an issue with those who feel the need to tell you that your personal experiences are EVIL while their religious practices are filled with the one and TRUE holy spirit/ruach that is suppose to be forced upon others all over the earth…using the same confusing, contradicting, biblical scriptures to justify their actions. And because they are taught to “be ye separate from unbelievers” they will QUICKLY delete you out of their life regardless of your history together. (I am so very guilty of doing this myself in the past).
But I am glad I realized the error of my ways.
When I hear or see things like this, I know that a person has not done their proper homework…either out of fear of finding information that will shatter their reality, or because their religion taught them that reaching into other religions/beliefs/sciences would be a “sin”.
Individuals lack compassion for another person’s life experience simply because they have been taught in error that their religion is THE ONE AND ONLY WAY to “salvation”….
It is impossible to have any reasonable conversation with people of this nature because they have been programmed to only operate in faith and throw away all attempts to think rationally for themselves…because the scriptures are “infallible and written with the hand of GOD”….
I have lost many associates because of this belief. But I am grateful for the friendships I have shared with them all.
If you’ve made it this far into my post I’m appreciative of your willingness to understand my story.
So let me get right to it.
Aside from leaving the states abruptly, let me share with you the events that enhanced this decision and what INITIALLY changed my life and broke me away from religion.
I have always been gifted with dreams. But as I got older seems like more dreams were actually manifesting in real life. I guess you can say “prophetic” for those who think along these terms.
Most of my encounters happened while living in Louisiana.
I remember lying in the bed, my daughter was still a newborn. I woke up mid-sleep, and saw a dark hooded figure approaching my baby’s bedside crib. I remember being so angry, because the energy I felt from this thing was not a friendly vibe. This moment I was almost in a paralyzed state on my back but halfway awake. I couldn’t move so I stared it down until it turned away. Once I was able to completely awaken, I rolled over on my side to place my hand into her crib to protect her while she slept.
Furthermore, I would begin to experience visitations from those who had passed away. This happened previously while I was living in Arkansas in the form of dreams. But one particular incident was very different.
Towards the middle of my military career, I wanted to reach out to a close friend of mine and my husband. So I searched for him on Facebook. He was very influential in our choice to join the military and our choice to get married. Tragically, I found out that he committed suicide earlier that year. I was really saddened by it. That night it was heavy on my mind. I remember waking up mid-sleep and vividly saw him standing beside my bed. He was smiling as if he was telling me he was okay.
During this and other encounters I had ZERO alcohol or drugs (pharmaceutical or illegal) present in my body.
I started wondering out of curiosity…..because my Christian faith told me that these people were somewhere in a sleep state after death, waiting on a resurrection and judgement. We were also taught that the dead doesn’t know what the living does and we wouldn’t be able to recognize each other after death. But my EYES told me another account. It appeared to me that these people who passed away were very much aware of our life and able to communicate!
In 2015, I saw something that I have NEVER encountered before. I don’t share with everyone because I know from experience that some will label you as CRAZY or “demon-possessed” if you share things they’re not familiar with. But I’ll put myself out there because maybe someone else has had a similar encounter.
This was around the time my family was cleaning up our diet. We were on the path of becoming vegetarians/vegans/pescetarians (all of the above at separate intervals).
Same scenario, I was lying in bed. Then I was awakened to a bright light. Standing in front of our bedroom doorway was a tall male figure (based on my visualization of men in the physical realm). He had broad shoulders, hair that appeared to be soft dreads…shoulder length. He had on a long white robe. His face didn’t have any distinctive markings. It was if I could look around his figure but not directly at his face. No words were spoken. It was the energy that I felt from this being. I felt happy, relieved, felt as if I was being awakened out of my sleep to witness something so beautiful…felt as if I was about to leave this chaotic world to go somewhere else. But instead I woke up, and immediately shared with my husband and family what I’d saw that night.
Because of my faith, I thought it was “Jesus”. But as I began to Google pictures to see if someone else had the same experience and upon further investigation, what I saw was unrelated to Christianity.
My daughter was 3 at the time. And she had also began to see things while she was sleeping, around the same time I had visions. Her experience was different than mine. She was scared. She said she saw a pink light behind a man with a balloon head. Now how could I explain this to her without making her feel as if it was nothing? From what I had seen, I KNEW she was not just imagining things. Additionally, we didn’t have cable television in our home and I monitored closely everything my children watched while being a stay-at-home Mom.
It was after this vision and dietary changes when my body began to reject certain foods. My senses became stronger. Meats that I’d eaten before smelled weird. My kids wouldn’t eat canned foods anymore. Certain processed foods they wouldn’t even touch!
My dreams were beginning to be more like messages (in my opinion). My sister’s dreams would coincide with my dreams, as if the same messages were being sent to us both (possibly)…I’m not sure, but to this day we have similar dreams that seem to be giving us information. It was to the point I had to purchase a tablet to write all of my dreams down to later try and interpret them or see if there were patterns.
Keep in mind, during these episodes, I was a devoted Christian bible-studier and was trying to do EVERYTHING to make sure I made it into the “rapture” or “the great catching away”. Things were happening so fast I felt a sense of urgency to “get-right” like something was about to happen.
I studied from the beginning of the Bible to the end. My daughter was asking so many questions that I couldn’t answer with a “matter of fact” mentality. I was confused myself! I couldn’t regurgitate traditional stories to her without fully understanding things first.
The doubt in Christianity didn’t just come from the visions but also from the dreams I was having. I wanted to study to make sure my dreams were not an attempt to lead me away from the faith I’d known all of my life.
I had began to see some discrepancies in the Bible that I tried to deny tooth and nail. But at the end of the day I couldn’t consciously continue with something that I knew in my heart and soul was faulty.
I was asked an innocent question from a loved one stating “In Genesis,Why would God order his chosen people to murder innocent babies, women, and others when they discovered land, and then PROMISED them the land after the murders?”
I defended it. I gave all types of reasonings justifying this order from “God” but couldn’t offer any justifications for why pilgrims stepped onto the native lands of America…killing, murdering, and raping in the name of “God”.
Undeniably…The first “Christians” came into America and demolished, raped, murdered, and committed MASS genocide on the natives of the land, IN THE NAME OF GOD. And I said to myself, this was just a small group of people. One group doesn’t represent the whole Catholic/Christian faith!! Until I researched Africa, South America, and a majority of the land masses to find that this brutal act was committed all over the earth.
I just recently discovered the “Spanish Requirement of 1513” while living in Colombia. It’s also known as “El Requerimiento”. This document proves beyond a shadow of doubt the ill intentions of these faith conquerors.
NOW I completely understand the meaning of “Every knee shall bow and every tongue confess”..and the Lord coming on a horse with anger and wrath..
I’ve heard many say, “Well if Jesus was given to us by the Europeans, then I’m grateful because it’s the best thing that has happened to me!”
With an understanding heart I try to disregard the IGNORE-ance of others, but once again I realize people are more comfortable with a false reality than the truth.
Our desire to practice spirituality and have a connection with the Creator of this beautiful planet is something we can’t help.
But spirituality is not coined to just Christianity and Jesus. There were MANY spiritual practices before this teaching even popped on the scene. And this thinking of “Jesus” being the best thing to happen to us comes from emotions only. Otherwise it is completely irrational.
1682: Virginia “Act I.
It is enacted that all servants […] which shall be imported into this country…whether Negroes, Moors, mulattoes or Indians who and whose parentage and native countries are not Christian at the time of their first purchase by some Christian […] are hereby adjudged, deemed and taken to be slaves to all intents and purposes.”
For the millions of slaves and indigenous individuals who had to suffer bloodshed for this reLIEgion, this statement is pretty much a spit on their graves.
The compilation of the Bible clearly had an agenda to control. Putting everything into a historical perspective, this explains why there are scriptures like this:
Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ;
Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God:
There was nothing figurative about these statements. It was LITERAL. It made the slaves think of their masters as “Christ” and that rebelling against the masters was equivalent to rebelling against “Christ”.
Some use the excuse that since the slave masters didn’t want the slaves to read, the Bible must have been the truth!
In my opinion, this doesn’t make sense either. People of hue (Africans, African Americans, Native Americans) were not a people who lacked common sense. Judging by the many monuments that they left behind, they had a LOT of knowledge and were very intelligent people. If they would have began to read the Bible from beginning to end, like I have done, I’m SURE they would have seen the discrepancies of the Bible compilation and probably would have came away from the religion sooner. Secret meetings were forbidden not because the Masters didn’t want the slaves to worship God in private, but because they feared the slaves were meeting to plan a revolt.
I contemplated, “Why did a majority accept the religion?” The only logical reasonings I can think of is acceptance for survival. If a person came in my presence speaking a foreign language with a sword forcing me to accept their doctrine or die, I would have accepted the religion for the safety of my family.
This insert of the Virginia Slave Act along with the Spanish Requirement shows that whatever this religion was…it was indeed FOREIGN to natives of these lands. So foreign, they did not want to accept it. I have heard many stories of the indigenous people being “unruly” or “uncivilized”. I haven’t been able to verify this claim. As a matter of fact, many indigenous people had their own spiritual practices such as the Muisca people of Colombia.
*Note: Living in Colombia, we traveled to Cartagena to view with our own eyes the historical images of the history of Christianity/Catholicism. There was a Africanus male standing submissively in front of a Catholic priest in one of the churches open to tourists. The Catholic church was placed on the highest mountain. In Bogota Colombia..same mode of operation..Catholic church placed on Mount Monserrate and actually replaced the indigenous Muisca temple. There is a statue of “The Fallen Lord/Jesus” placed there for commemoration. Confirmation we needed.*
A question I had was, what made Christianity/Roman Catholicism supreme over another system of spirituality? What gave them the right to force their practices upon another people or even make claims that their WAY was BETTER?
After contemplating this and researching more historical accounts, I knew within that my belief in this “God” that was forced upon my ancestors was about to come to an end.
The discrepancies in the scriptures kept popping up the more I read.
In one commandment it says do not make unto you any graven images of anything that is in the heavens above…but when the question is posed “Why is there an image of Jesus plastered everywhere if we don’t know what he looks like?” Christians demonize you for BLASPHEMY almost and say IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE, IT’S THE PRINCIPLE….(totally disregarding the commandment)
Approximately two months into my biblical studies, I thought I had it at least halfway figured out. I thought Ok…the Bible is the truth! It has just been mistakenly misinterpreted. That explains the confusion. We studied the Hebrew Israelite doctrine since it was at LEAST closer to the correct understanding of the Bible.
We learned that the so-called commandment of keeping the Sabbath was actually suppose to be on a Saturday and not Sunday.
Sabbath (n.) Old English sabat “Saturday as a day of rest,” as observed by the Jews, from Latin sabbatum, from Greek sabbaton, from Hebrew shabbath, properly “day of rest,” from shabath “he rested.”
The original meaning is preserved in Spanish Sabado, Italian Sabato, and other languages’ names for “Saturday.”
I asked a Christian relative about this and of course I received an answer defending it. I’ve heard, “The day doesn’t matter, we just need to worship God, he knows our heart.” Another relative said her Pastor explained to her that worship on Sunday was because of tradition.
But when I read this scripture…
This scripture is found in the New Testament. The New Testament is supposedly giving instructions to the Saints after the death and resurrection of “Jesus”. So this makes it clear that Christians aren’t suppose to be following the traditions of men.
I studied the so called “holy-days” that were commanded by God. The list is given in Leviticus 23.
Combed through every celebration. I didn’t see Easter OR Christmas on the list.
In fact, the Bible speaks against the Christmas tradition….more specifically the Christmas tree.
2 Thus saith the Lord, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them.
3 For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe.
4 They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.
5 They are upright as the palm tree, but speak not:
I discovered the true origin of “Easter”…Eostre…or East-Star….
I fasted and prayed in the most sincerest way…surrendering and asking “God” to help me understand the scriptures better using the “holy spirit” to help guide me. I ended the prayer asking God to reveal to me the truth at any cost…even if it’s the opposite of what I knew.
They say be careful what you ask for because you just might get it.
I received everything I needed and more.
A high school friend posted on one of her social media pages one of many images of Jesus. She asked “Who is this man?” And of course in my egotistical defense mode, I told her “It doesn’t matter what the image is..it’s the fact that he died on the cross for our sins!” I was angry with her for making a mockery out of Jesus…
She then proceeded to tell me that the letter ‘J’ is only about 400-500 years old.
I said, “So what it doesn’t matter! It’s the principle, the name doesn’t have to be 100% correct.”
I defended everything about my faith even bashing her for believing she was so “educated”.
But in the back of my mind I wanted to verify these claims.
I discovered that she was absolutely correct. If “Jesus” was an actual person who lived and walked this earth, he probably wouldn’t respond to this name. Not only that but the name Jesus doesn’t even appear until the New Testament. The so-called “prophecy” in the Old Testament that many try to use to say his birth was prophesied doesn’t even say “Jesus”. It says Immanuel.
(I will discuss this discrepancy in more detail later)
I said to my spouse, “If we need to confess this name to be saved and be baptized in this NAME, AND CAST OUT DEMONS IN THIS NAME, then we’d better be clear on what name we need to be uttering and teaching our kids!”
To this day, we still haven’t confirmed usage of this name. Additionally, it never says anywhere in scripture to PRAY TO Jesus…
Ibegan to read the Bible more in depth…thinking maybe it’s me falsely interpreting scripture….Thinking “I don’t have a complete breakdown provided by a leader that has been given special provisions from God”. This is what a close relative told us.
So I convinced myself that I need to get up under a good leader….an “ordained” minister…
Until I asked myself, did GOD ever say that I needed to go through someone else in order to interpret something that “HE” supposedly left for us to understand? This study should be easy and simple for a babe to comprehend?
Who exactly “ordains” these ministers? Yeah, MEN ordain men…
Why does this faith come with so many rules? If my child has questions, I as a PARENT should be able to answer them without consulting in someone else right?…Just by using the common sense and intuition that I was given from birth..
Why in the scripture does it say fear God…
But in another verse says “God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of sound mind.
Serve the LORD with fear, and rejoice with trembling.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
I found that the so-called “10-Commandments” were not original. Other civilizations that existed way before Christians or Israelites, for example the Nubians in Kemet, in fact had their own principles called the 42 principles of Ma’at. The 10-Commandments seemed to have derived from this source and not from a voice off of a mountain like the Bible says.
We were always programmed to believe that GOD was ALL GOOD AND PERFECT while SATAN was the cause for everything EVIL. But this verse discredits that idea….
I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
When I, thinking as a child, asked the simple question..
“We always refer to a “Father” of heaven but never reference a mother. If we were given an earthly father and mother, then……”
Being married, I understand the importance of duality..masculine and feminine energies..so why do we never hear about the so-called heavenly mother?
Furthermore, Why would an ALMIGHTY Creator CREATE women with beautiful hair, but then command her to cover it up or shave it off?
1 Corinthians 11:6
For if a woman does not cover her head, she might as well have her hair cut off; but if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, then she should cover her head.
I looked it up. And I dug into religions that existed before Christianity such as Zoroastrianism.
In this monotheistic religion, it’s taught that women are more likely to sin than men. For this reason they have to be monitored closely.
From relationship experience, I can definitely say that this is a BOLD FACED LIE. As a matter of fact, I think both people in a relationship (male or female) can equally be enticed.
Studying some of the doctrine of Zoroastrianism helped me to see the origin of some doctrines in Christianity.
It appeared to me that certain “laws” or rules in religion was instituted as male dominance and CONTROL…not laws from the Creator.
I thought to myself, this explains why there’s Bible verses that forbid a woman to teach in the assembly and places the woman under the man.
I couldn’t agree with the teaching of a woman being made from a man’s rib when clearly today every human being naturally has to come from a woman. Even biologically, the woman carries the ‘X’ chromosome while the male carries the ‘Y’ chromosome (missing one branch of an X). So this scratches out that theory twice for me.
There’s so much I can say about this topic alone but it would be from my own observations.
I read FROM THE BIBLE in Leviticus that the “tithes” was never money. It was LITERALLY firstFRUITS….food…nothing metaphorical about it.
It was simply food and grains organized in a way for the less fortunate to have food for their family…a community-like agreement to help the needy.
This 10% monetary law seemed more like a TAX in modern day than anything else.
I can’t even count on my hands and toes how many times I’ve heard leaders preaching to the congregation that God was not pleased with the saints for not paying their tithes (on top of offerings and building fund dues).
People have skipped bill payments in order to pay this MAN-MADE TITHE/TAX LAW and it is so unfortunate. I can remember my Mom telling me that God was pleased with her doing things like this because she was going to be blessed from her sacrifice. This makes me angry knowing that my mother struggled financially being a single Mom with four children. I tried to help as much as I could growing up. I cooked dinners at the age of 8 while she was away at work. I would babysit and clean houses at the age of 12 just to take the burden off of her a little. I had my first real job at the age of 15 and purchased my own vehicle at the age of 16. This TITHE money that was going to the church could have easily been saved to help my mother through hard times.
This teaching is so hypocritical since I find it extremely hard to believe that leaders operating under the title of Doctor or Bishop do not know about this fact. I feel it is dishonest to make people believe they are suppose to give money according to a biblical law. At least tell the truth about the biblical tithe and let members give money on their own will. If a person knows that the tithe was NEVER money and they still want to make an investment to the church, then that is their choice. Sadly, most churches generate all of these funds, THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS, and only build bigger buildings to recruit more people. Some are even pushing the agenda that GOD wants leaders to have nice luxury things for their service and dedication to preaching “God’s” word.
But if they are suppose to be following after “Christ”, he clearly denied all of these material things in order to live righteously.
It to me is also hypocritical because while members are being taxed, most churches are Non-profit organizations or even 501c3 status, meaning all money received from the organization is non-taxable.
Under 501c3 status, the organization cannot even discuss certain topics ,relating to political or lobbying, against the government’s will. So any questions that I may have relating to a certain topic would not even be taught to me by the Pastor or Bishop that I respected so much (if under this 501c3 clause) OR ELSE their status could be pulled right from up under them..
Not my place to speculate where the money is going. But it is very obvious in many Baptist churches and lower income communities that most Pastors are in a better financial situation than 75% of their congregation. Some Pastors have no job outside of the church but manage to have an airplane to fly and travel to their various church locations.
This NPO appeared in my eyes to be more of a BUSINESS profit for leaders…literally charging people for spirituality.
This planting a seed doctrine planted into the minds of innocent church-goers was non-scriptural, although they found manipulative ways to make it appear so…referring only to the Old Testament when matters of money were involved.
They will tell you in a heartbeat that the Old covenant in the Old Testament is done away with since we are under the NEW covenant, but won’t leave that tithe law in the old covenant.
(which I have already concluded in terms of tithes was never money to begin with.)
With all of this, I began to ask myself does GOD want my money to prove my dedication or is this some flesh entity draining me of my hard earnings?
Ironically, the Pastor in the above video goes by the name of “Creflo Dollar”. It was obvious to me that most wealthy leaders in the church were following this same script…just a different cast.
I can boldy say this. The church claims to be separate from the “worldly sinners” yet still PERFORMING every Sunday in the pulpits…
Every Baptist church seems to have the same acting and program. I recognized this as I slowly started to wake up from the spell. The hooping and hollering done towards the end of the sermon was no holy spirit at all. Just a way to make you feel good so you can continue to come back..like a good drug habit.
Churches were also starting to appear more as a rap concert or club than a faith gathering in a place that is suppose to be “holy ground”.
I’ve seen grown men performing “Christian rap” in the midst of children/teenagers as background dancers. Disgusting and eerily disturbing. It almost seemed as if these men were using religion to get closer to young naïve girls. No justifications can be made about this because it’s not found anywhere in scripture.
A church that we attended in Louisiana sang a song one Sunday that remixed Beyonce’s “Dangerously in Love” to try and refer to Jesus. I saw that this is actually more common considering a video I saw on Facebook of “Saints” singing a rendition of Drake’s “Hotline Bling” in church.
The line between the “secular sinners” and the “saints” has been blurred and obscured to the point where there is ZERO separation.
And I get it…all of this is done to bring more people to “Christ”. Most churches want to recruit the younger crowd. Understand that. But at this point, let’s just call it what it is.
In my eyes, joining the church is like paying a membership at Sam’s Club. You get certain perks from paying a monthly fee. You get to retweet quotes that sound AMAZING from your favorite Pastor. Your emotions get stirred up to make you feel like you have been hit with some “holy ghost”. You get to wear your favorite dress and hat like a fashion show. You shout….you scream….you cry….you run up and down the aisle…you say amen…. you hear what you need to hear that Sunday and feel like the message is SPECIFICALLY for you EVERY SINGLE TIME. You walk away with a high that will get you through until Wednesday night service and then the next Sunday. It makes you forget about reality. You get a chance to live in Never Never land everyday where nobody has to grow old. You can hide your true identity and become someone else under religion.COOL right?! Who wouldn’t love this?!
But why ridicule those of us who can see right through it? Why do we have to be ridiculed for our choice to live in REALITY.
Why not just follow the religion…have FUN and let others live their life?
I found out the doctrine itself has been revised and edited like a teaching curriculum, by the Jesuit society. In fact, they are responsible for most of the teachings taught in doctrinal schools/colleges/studies involving Christianity and Roman Catholicism. If you are unaware of the Jesuit society, once researching it you will understand why their doctrines cannot be relied on as facts.
This PROVED to me beyond a shadow of doubt that any “doctrine” I had been taught had to be reversed…backed all the way up…and revisited. I couldn’t trust it anymore. With this wealth of information I dared not to trust a minister, especially one of high prestige in the community, to tell me the truth about this faith.
I realized it was my own fault for previously being so trusting of leaders’ words instead of going home and reading full chapters for myself. This is the problem with most church goers. We never challenge the doctrine because we have been taught that it is perfect and true.
I saw bible verses that were puzzling and extremely contradicting..
We use to sing a song in church about Jesus being the bright and morning star!
Funny thing about songs is they stick to your memory like glue.
Full lyrics to song..”No other Name”
“Jesus, Oh precious Jesus.
Jesus, He’s sweet I know
There is no other name under heaven
whereby men can be saved.
There is no other name, no other name
I know___, I Know____
Not Buddha, Not Confucius, Not Elijah Muhammad
He’s the Lilly of the Valley, bright and morning star.
My savior, my master, my deliverer, strong tower
There is no other name (repeat)
I know___, I know!”
So when I read this scripture..
Isaiah 14:12 (NIV)
“How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations!”
The only explanation that could be given to me from a Christian is “Oh, it just means SATAN is the false morning star and JESUS is the TRUE morning star?”
Nah…I don’t think so….
As this religion makes claims all of the time that “God is not the author of confusion”.
Soooo…..CLEARLY something is fishy with the author of THIS Bible!
When the mystery gets deep I keep asking questions. I’m never satisfied with narrow answers, ESPECIALLY if I’m being put in a position to defend what I believe.
I keep searching….
Never mentions anywhere about one son being murdered to be a savior. It says Israel was the first-born.
And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD, Israel is my son,even my firstborn:
Yes, I googled every scripture that foretells of a coming “Savior”, and each one crossed off on the list not speaking of ONE person.
The popular Chapter 7 of Isaiah when read in it’s ENTIRETY is not even referring to a future event that’s suppose to happen hundreds of years later. This child’s name was Immanuel and it was a sign given to Ahaz which was already fulfilled in that chapter.
This and many other contradictions came from the “infallible documents” composed in the Bible. I found on my own personal studying and through my own questioning, not from hearsay.
I read it in Hebrew, read it in Greek. I purchased the Tanakh, The Scriptures Bible, and the Dead Sea Scrolls. Still didn’t add up.
I dug into the Muslim faith which is prohibited in Christianity for some reason. I found that their belief is that a promise was given to them through Ishmael because Abraham heard a voice that told him to go sacrifice his son in the Qur’an….vs. the story of Abraham taking Issac to be sacrificed in the Bible.
Which one was it? And what entity or deity would coach ANY parent to go and kill their child? (I thought to myself). This sort of testing is a reoccurring theme in biblical stories.
Then I read this verse in Isaiah 57:6-8….
6 Among the smooth stones of the stream is thy portion; they, they are thy lot: even to them hast thou poured a drink offering, thou hast offered a meat offering. Should I receive comfort in these?
7 Upon a lofty and high mountain hast thou set thy bed: even thither wentest thou up to offer sacrifice.
8 Behind the doors also and the posts hast thou set up thy remembrance: for thou hast discovered thyself to another than me, and art gone up; thou hast enlarged thy bed, and made thee a covenant with them; thou lovedst their bed where thou sawest it.
And I said to myself, wait a second now…..this sounds like the story of Abraham going up on a high mountain to offer his Son as a sacrifice! But instead he used a Ram as a sacrifice to God. So did the Creator tell him to do this if this verse in Isaiah says The Most High didn’t receive comfort in these sacrifices?!
And why does it say in Jeremiah 19:5 that sacrifices never crossed The Most High’s mind and that it was never required?!
Which brings me to my next point….
If sacrifices were never required by “God” and “He” frowned upon it, then why would he offer HIS SON as a sacrifice SLAIN for the sins of the world?!!!!
Furthermore, it clearly says in the Bible:
The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, neither shall the children be put to death for the fathers: every man shall be put to death for his own sin.
11I, even I, am the LORD; and beside me there is no saviour.
12I have declared, and have saved, and I have shewed, when there was no strange god among you: therefore ye are my witnesses, saith the LORD, that I am God.
I can go on and on…
I was told “Oh that’s the old covenant, the new covenant came through Jesus Christ.”
But it makes it obvious that when a new covenant is made…
“they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them,”
If this covenant was established through J.C, then why are Christians STILL going all over the Earth spreading the “Godspell”?
What really stuck out like a sore thumb to me in terms of pure confusion was this verse…
1 Chronicle 21
1And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel. 2And David said to Joab and to the rulers of the people, Go, number Israel from Beersheba even to Dan; and bring the number of them to me, that I may know it.
2 Samuel 24
1And again the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel, and he moved David against them to say, Go, number Israel and Judah. 2For the king said to Joab the captain of the host, which was with him, Go now through all the tribes of Israel, from Dan even to Beersheba, and number ye the people, that I may know the number of the people.
Copied and pasted straight from the Book. Same KJV version. Stating that THE LORD in this verse was Satan. So then, how could I possibly know who “The Lord” is in all of the other scriptures?????!!!!!!!!
Annnnnnnndd that’s when I said you know what…there is no way ANYONE could decipher this thing correctly and attempt to teach someone else…everyone sees what they want to see based on their REALITY.
This was enough for me. No more buying multiple Bibles to compare. No more deciphering.
But you guys….I won’t even lie.
I’m almost embarrassed to admit it but this religion had a VERY strong hold on me. I didn’t want to let it go.
Even after ALLLLLLLL of this evidence….I said to myself…this is the great falling away they must have been preaching about. These Bible verses have been inserted or interpreted in a way to be a stumbling block to test my heart to see if I would choose my inner intuition against doctrine. Nope, that scripture doesn’t actually mean that…it means something else. I’m just gone keep on praying and believing because I NEED this faith in order to be saved from my sins!!! I NEED this faith so that I can get to the pearly gates of Heaven after this earth is destroyed!
I was in denial to the highest degree. I didn’t want to be “that person”.
With all of my years of supporting this faith, I finally had to come to the conclusion that I would be lying to myself by staying.
All of these facts and evidence IN FRONT of my face pierced my soul. I was hurt, angry, and confused. I felt manipulated…..felt DRAINED of energy.
And I will not perpetrate and act like this was easy…No, it hurt as MUCH as it did when I got the news on FACEBOOK that my close friend had died in a car accident at the age of 19.
I couldn’t believe that this whole thing was a lie…
Even to this day I get in my emotions thinking about everything I have suffered mentally for following this religion.
Remember the high school acquaintance I spoke of earlier who asked the question on social media “Who is this man”…
A few months later I was searching for her Instagram account to THANK HER for her boldness because it was a crucial beginning in me researching. To this day I am forever grateful for her, she is one of the few friends I have. I’m thankful for her courage to tell the truth even though she knew she would be ridiculed for it. I know it wasn’t a coincidence for us to reconnect on a spiritual level.
Speaking as one individual apart of a marriage can sometimes cause confusion in the mind of others. Although I mention “we” in some instances, it is because I am well aware of my spouse’s personal reasons therefore I can conclude with WE made the decision.
WE share an understanding that we are individuals first…as Tish and Jereme and as a Mother and Father. Second to that we are a couple.
Do not assume that my words are his words….my thoughts are his thoughts. I chose to speak out about this experience on my own will. We do not control one another. He has his story that he can tell if he chooses to do so.
Please do not assume that my personal account is the SOLE REASON for us leaving religion and the U.S. That would be totally inaccurate. As I stated in the introduction, this is an overview. Because I respect my family’s privacy and our prior affiliation with the military, I will not go into full details on this post.
So what did we decide to do after the abundance of knowledge and research?
We stepped away……
Tired of defending a faith that seemed to be adjusting rules and regulations as it went along.
We stepped away…
With the consequences of being judged by others….being unaccepted or blocked because of our choice.
We stepped away knowing that the Creator we acknowledge is not a wrathful deity who will KILL you because you researched facts and asked questions. The Bible says “seek and ye shall find” right? That’s what we did.
We stepped away because this is what we do KNOW…The Creator..Most High..that we acknowledge is not the author of confusion. Therefore this entity is not the author of this book….Bible. It has been written by man over and over, translated into many versions to suit a particular teaching. In this process, it has innumerable errors…mistakes that only a human’s hand could have made. It’s equivalent to a person lying and forgetting the lie they’d told. So they have to keep telling lies until eventually it catches up with them. This is how I view the compilation of the Bible.
This is not what we will be teaching our offspring.
My husband and I walked away from Christianity, even with backlash from our family, thinking that we were being controlled by “Satan”.
So many people have offered to pray for us. Right now the only prayer I need is for my family to continue to discover unbiased truths along this journey. I have had the best sleep in YEARS since breaking away from Christianity. I no longer have to feel “sinful” for just being myself.
Letting it go didn’t mean that I was trying to live a “worldly/sinful” life. As a reminder, My spouse and I SOLD/GAVE AWAY most of the material things we owned to walk this path. We sold our truck that was practically brand new! Crazy right?! So that reasoning behind us walking away can be crossed off the list.
I am 1000% happy with my lifestyle. We have verified that NO, the amount of chaos and confusion in the U.S. is NOT happening EVERYWHERE. We have lived in two different countries (Colombia and Mexico) and have zero intentions of returning to the U.S. to live permanently.
I experience so much inner peace and freedom to THINK and LIVE. I can now encourage my babies to do the same without forcing FEAR upon them for doing so.
During the early days of psychiatry in 19th century America, “religious anxiety” brought on by a “fear of future punishment” was found to be a leading cause of insanity.
My ONLY intention is to teach my children truth and not fallacies. They will know and feel that having innocent questions will not be shunned by me. I will not make them feel dirty or sinful for asking for deeper inner-standings that should rightfully be given to them and their precious unadulterated minds. I encourage this thinking because it helps me learn as well!
My daughter just asked the other day if Avocado was a fruit or vegetable and I had to go look it up! These children are a blessing to us, at times they know more than us. But doctrines have told us that we are given authority OVER them to instill our beliefs into them..shunning their innocent mental processes. For me as a parent, I feel more content saying “Baby I don’t know” or “I will do my part and give you facts” rather than sugarcoat stories to inhibit free thinking. I want my babies to have a very healthy imagination.
NOW IF that is a sin, I am guilty of that.
My inner self tells me that if I am from the Creator, then I don’t have to go without looking for another fallible human to tell me about “God”. “God” is apart of me, apart of my DNA make-up, so at anytime I SHOULD always be able to go within! This Creator exists because I have SEEN with my own eyes things that are not like me…things that could not have been made my human. “GOD” is apart of every creation made…fruit, vegetables, trees, water, MYSELF..and I give thanks for that every time I treat creation with Love.
The voice inside of me which stems directly from the source, tells me to just live! And listen to that voice within (intuition) and I will be fine.
Life is really as simple as we make it, and we each have our own paths. So I cannot force anyone to “believe” a faith, or be punished by Hell fire. Because the same “Christian” God who people claim does not force us against our will to submit to something (although totally hypocritical based on history), would not encourage us to MAKE someone believe in order to be “Saved”.
And saved from what? This teaching of a “rapture” made me feel like it’s okay that there’s violence and injustice in the world because it’s the “LORD’S WILL”. “HE” will show everyone who he is once he comes back riding on a horse saving everyone before “he” destroys the earth. I’m sorry to say, but I don’t think this will EVER happen.
This “great catching away” that’s suppose to happen in the midst of mass chaos is complete confusion. I have a suspicion that it was meant to be that way. People will always be judging events as “a sign of the times”. However, so many events have happened over and over again in history over a span of thousands of years. There are skeletons that have been found to be thousands of years old. No bodies have been resurrected yet and I feel it won’t happen.
This teaching is unhealthy because most Christians believe they don’t have to make real adult decisions. They can just sit back and wait on someone to crack the sky and fix all the issues in society or in their life. People deal with extreme issues on a daily and just nail it to the cross instead of sitting down and coming face to face with their issues.
I wish the rapture story was true. I wish the native americans could have been spared from the gruesome violence they experienced. My reality tells me if it didn’t happen then or in the 60s when African-Americans were being beat and hung (ironically just like “Jesus”)….and it’s not happening now that MORE people are being murdered by police…it’s not happening for the people in Syria being attacked and poisoned by warfare…then the conclusion and full reality of it is, WE have to do some actual WORK and SAVE OURSELVES like some grown adults! At least that is what I and my family will be doing.
“The chances of being wrong and punished of hellfire is worse than just believing..even if it is a lie….I’ll keep having faith in Jesus until I die..”
Yep…have contemplated this belief as well.
Why not just continue believing regardless of the truth?! Because I can’t do it with a clear conscious. It doesn’t make sense to me. I’m not a person who is “fake” or comfortable living a facade. I’m a Virgo…Earth sign. My personality is very REAL, in your face, take it or leave it, authentic and genuine. So I cannot pretend to do anything just to get by.
Furthermore, doing so would be primarily out of FEAR. FEAR of the unknown..FEAR of what’s ahead. It’s one of the motivating factors in religion period to get a person to change…FEAR GOD and FEAR THE WRATH.
I’ll change and adjust because I PERSONALLY want to do it. Not because I need a reward/punishment system to motivate me to mature.
I don’t have to fear “Hell” in order to grow and adjust. Hell, in my reality, is right here on earth. Hell is in my dreams, if I’m vibrating on a lower energy, I’ll have nightmares. That’s Hell to me.
Once again, the Creator that I acknowledge, who gave me the mindset to be able to THINK freely and ask questions, is not going to turn around and throw my soul in a fiery lake for finding out the truth. Think about it..would your parents punish you for doing your homework and becoming smarter? Would your parents set you on fire for making a mistake? If we are taught that our earthly parents are suppose to be like our heavenly parents….Then…….
For Christians, doesn’t the Bible say test all things? Cling to that which is good and let go of that which is not?
So that is what I have done and am doing.
If Christianity or any other faith-based religion is your choice of sanity, I have no ill feelings towards you. This post in no way serves to coach anyone into my lifestyle or discourage you from continuing your faith. These are MY observations from research and MY opinions.
If religion is what makes you feel happy and complete, then you are exercising your CHOICE to follow your belief system. I do empathize. This is not an easy road to travel. It gets lonely and there will always be questions that need to be satisfied. It’s okay. To each it’s own. Different strokes for different folks.
With an increase of people destroying those who choose to walk away from religion, this was an overdue response as to WHY we chose to make that decision..
It is my truth..my experience. I’m simply denouncing the faith I once claimed. I’m giving my side of the story so there’s no confusion as to why I don’t BELIEVE in the Christian doctrine anymore. This was just an overview of reasons. Quite honestly, I could write a novel on all of the discrepancies I have found.
I will not be an evangelist of this religion anymore…teaching unbelievers to accept it OR ELSE meet God in the judgement. Because of my military submission and evaluating the similarities of religious submission, I cannot support it any longer.
But this does not mean I am BETTER than anyone…..And it damn sure does not mean that I have ADVANCED knowledge that is inaccessible to anyone else. It means I am practicing CHOICE that has been bestowed on all of us from genesis. This CHOICE suits me better based on MY spiritual experience.
It means that I respect everyone for their role on this earth. My spouse and I realize that our journey through these faiths were a necessary action for us to get to the point we are now. The only thing WE (those who do not submit to these “faiths”) DO ask is to likewise be respected for our spiritual gifts, and ability to KNOW rather than continue to be followers of something we have done our due diligence trying to accept. No more dogmas, NO MORE SCARE TACTICS. No more being bullied to accept doctrines from people who are in the same earthly conditions as us.
Live and let others live!!!
I once looked at other’s disbelief in the Christian doctrine as an opportunity to reel them back in so they can have salvation, without trying to understand their logic…Not anymore.
I now see how they felt…only wanting to live a life free of accepting this OR ELSE…Believe this by faith OR DIE. And My sincerest apologies to anyone who I have subjected this sort of doctrine on. I simply did not KNOW since this religion has been apart of my existence for over 15 years.
Some question how easy was it for my spouse and I to transition together. For us, it wasn’t too complicated. We have the same upbringing. We are the same age, so our curiosity and growth are always in sync. We have basically been subjected to the same experiences as adults. We studied everything together from beginning to end. We went into this lifestyle jointly but with our own mindset and individuality. And because we share two beautiful babies together, we both agree that we want the best for our children.
Living outside of the U.S. has given us the peaceful environment that we have been desiring. We are able to research and review monuments and artifacts on-site, up close and personal. This is what we wanted for our family. ZERO REGRETS.
This post should hopefully answer all the questions anyone may have about my decision to leave religion. However, if you have any further questions feel free to email me @ email@example.com.
If you have had a similar encounter or have even more research to offer I would LOVE to hear from you! I have a long way to go in this spiritual walk and I know I will forever be a student.
Peace and love to you and yours!! 💗💗💗💗💗