How many times have we heard the saying Hurt People Hurt People?
It’s equivalent to 1+1=2. We comprehend it like it’s the easiest equation to remember.
But, what many of us don’t realize is that we as humans are a factor in that hurt equation. At some point in our lives, we allow hurtful emotions to accumulate so abundantly that we may even transform into our abuser. We may begin to bleed on people who did nothing to us or, worse, we bury this pain so deep within us and it becomes an illness.
In this post, I’m going to:
- Walk you through what hurt really is.
- Give you resourceful tips to heal hurt.
- Take you through an exercise that will sever the tie to emotional pain for good.
- Explain the significance of transcending hurt.
- Help you to reclaim your power!
What H.U.R.T. Means for Me
My acronym for hurt, H.U.R.T., stands for Harboring Unresolved and Residual Traumas.
- (of a problem, question, or dispute) not resolved.
- (of a person) uncertain of what to think or do.
- (of a physical state or property) remaining after the removal of or present in the absence of a causative agent.
Carrying H.U.R.T. in our energetic field is the result of not tackling offenses when they happen. Instead, we hold in our voice and we fail to remedy the pain immediately. This leads to pain leaving a residual imprint in our aura and we carry that H.U.R.T. everywhere we go.
How Transcending Hurt Benefits Us
Let’s first address what it even means to transcend. To transcend means to rise above or go beyond the limits of something.
When we experience hurt, it is a traumatic experience. Whether we are conscious of this phenomenon or not, our body tends to freeze in moments when we are scared, especially as children, to help us survive a threat.
This occurrence is known as the fight or flight response. We either freeze to deal with the threat head on and fight or our body sends adrenaline throughout our limbs to prepare us to run away.
This sympathetic nervous system response is both helpful and detrimental. It can get us out of the way of danger to help us survive an attack. However, these responses are recorded in our dna for future reference and that’s where it can get tricky, because this can cause us to stay stuck in the emotion of hurt sequentially.
When we learn to transcend hurtful events in our life, we are training ourselves to move that energy elsewhere. We are freeing the emotion from our nervous system, helping ourselves to live life off high- alert mode.
Mental Exercise to Transcend Hurt
*Only perform this mental exercise if you feel safe revisiting a hurtful event. If you cannot process that hurt at this time, it is completely okay. Stop reading this post or skip to the next point and wait until you are accompanied by someone, such as a trusted partner or professional mental health counselor who is trained with crisis prevention. My intention is to help those who feel they are ready to process hurt on their own and will not experience an extreme adverse reaction while doing so.*
Envision a thin red cord connecting you to that person who caused you emotional pain. The cord is red to represent the years that you have given life to this hurt. You have created a metaphorical artery to this hurt and to the person. With every heartbeat, you have allowed this hurt to oxygenate and continue to thrive.
Yet, this cord is thin. What you didn’t recognize is this artery is superficial, unimportant, insignificant, and it does NOT serve you any purpose. It can be surgically removed and you will live! Realize this hurt is like a parasite that you are feeding. But, you have the power to cut off its source of oxygen.
Look at how thin it is. You finally realize that it has always been so easy to cut the attachment. I want you to tell yourself that it is easy and truly believe it.
Now, envision yourself grabbing that surgical clamp. Clamp the cord midway. Feel the oxygen slowly circulating back to your body and watch the other end of the cord turn white.
The cord is white to symbolize new beginnings, a clean slate, purity, and innocence. I know that it is difficult to imagine innocence in this moment, because that hurt inflicted upon you was nowhere near innocent. But hear me out. Imagine this person as a hurt child that was acting out from their inner hurt and turmoil.
You remember that school bully that appeared rough and tough?! That bully was acting from a space of hurt, because he or she was being neglected at home. Their anger and violence towards other children was their only way of gaining attention. At their core, their intention was legitimate. They craved nurturing and love from their caregiver, but became frustrated because it never happened. Their childlike mind could not process or rationalize that neglect. So they behaved irrationally from an emotional standpoint like a child throwing a tantrum.
Think of ways in which you may have been a bully to someone, physically, verbally, or emotionally, due to your inner child acting out and throwing a tantrum. We have all at one time projected our pain onto someone else. And if you can be honest with yourself about it, it will make these next steps so much easier.
You have only began to sever the connection. In this moment, take a deep breath. Forgive yourself for holding onto this hurt for so long. If you can find it in your heart to forgive this person, do that now as well.
To forgive someone is to release the desire to punish them for an offense. Understand that they are still accountable for the hurt that they inflicted, but you are granting them the freedom to become someone better. You are granting them clemency at this moment, because you have punished them enough. You have caused yourself and them to suffer long enough and now it is time for you both to live independently of one another so that you can heal.
Now that the clamp has had enough time to slowly deoxygenate that connection, you can begin to cut the cord. It won’t hurt, because there’s no more blood being supplied to this superficial artery.
Cut the cord and never return to this hurtful memory ever again. Do not reassemble the chain of events leading up to the offense. Don’t even revisit the emotion. You are victorious and you have overcome the obstacle of transcending hurtful emotions.
Go ahead and celebrate!! You are now FREE from that emotion of hurt that once held you hostage!
*Repeat this exercise as often as you desire in order to cut the cord of hurt indefinitely from every individual.*
The key lessons of Transcending Hurt
The major takeaway from this exercise is this: Try not to attach the hurt to the person who afflicted or who is afflicting the pain. This will keep you from attaching yourself to hurtful events in the future.
We must recognize that we are all here on a journey of healing and a part of the lessons that had to be learned, unfortunately, came from undesirable hurt. This skill is one of the best things that we can do for ourselves to heal suffering and disease.
You can read more about the connection between emotional pain and disease in the article below.
Beyonce’ explains it in the best way I could understand in her song of redemption that was triggered by a hurtful event in her relationship to her spouse.
Found the truth beneath your lies
And true love never has to hide
I’ll trade your broken wings for mine
I’ve seen your scars and kissed your crime
They say true love’s the greatest weapon
To win the war caused by pain (Pain)
But every diamond has imperfections
But my love’s too pure to watch it chip away
Oh, nothing real can be threatened
True love breathes salvation back into me
With every tear came redemption
And my torturer became a remedy
This was her lesson that she placed into a melody in order to transcend her own hurt. As a matter of fact, the whole Lemonade Album was a journey through all of her emotions surrounding her hurt in her relationship.
That album, along with consistent dedication to years of professional therapy, helped me to transcend deep relationship hurt of my own. Beyonce’ displayed the perfect example of transcending hurt by transferring her emotional hurt into a visual album of turning bitter lemons into lemonade.
What I loved about Beyonce’s artistic expression in this work is that it came from a raw place. She displayed every single hurtful emotion that was birthed from her husband’s infidelity and betrayal.
But, Beyonce’ didn’t end the album with sadness, rage, or fury. She kept moving through those emotions until she reached the pinnacle, which was unconditional love, acceptance, and forgiveness. She recognized that her spouse was a hurt person as well and that is why he unintentionally hurt her…he loved her in the best way that he knew how.
As easy as it would have been to inflict pain back onto him, she realized that he had suffered enough throughout his life.
Let’s be human for a moment. Sure, it’s refreshing in the beginning to put that hurt back onto that person. We want to avenge that offense, because we didn’t deserve it. We not waiting for karma or God or the devil or whomever else is supposed to be coming to whoop they @$$!! We got it handled! 🤦♀️😂😂
We’re not going to immediately give a person a pass for their wrongdoing. We are innately programmed to strike back for survival.
However, this strike back is temporary. Long-term, it becomes like poison. At some point, it loses its efficiency. And this is when the spirit or soul essence of ourselves has to take the wheel, because if we’re not careful, we’ll be striking until we become an executioner, sentencing that person to death instead of striking to initiate balance.
Hurt People Hurt People. Healed People Heal People.
What benefit will it serve to hurt someone you LOVE with MORE hurt?
If I hurt you after you hurt me, then we’re just a big hurt mess. But, if I show compassion for you and OVERstand your prior hurt and issues that may have caused you to act irrationally towards me, then we can move past all of our hurts together and get to a space where we can ONLY be loving to one another…because we are both whole and healed individuals radiating unconditional love towards one another.
Now, I am in no way asking anyone to EXCUSE the behavior of another person. Again, forgiveness is not innate, it happens after some time.
Forgiveness has more to do with releasing the grip as we did in the exercise. The hope is for us to have a healthy connection with that person or persons who we deem as family or significant other. However, being more realistic, there are innumerable people on the planet who are okay with being stuck in the emotion of hurt. In a future blog post, I will get into how we can move forward with our lives without obligating ourselves to connect with individuals who refuse to heal.
What I AM saying is, we cannot give hurt POWER over our lives and keep us in a space of bitterness, anger, regret, etc.
This does NOTHING to empower us or propel us forward to other life lessons. When you hold onto hurt, you will become stuck in a never-ending cycle that will eventually wear you out and you will look up and realize you are operating in a manner that will hurt your children, your kin, and anyone else who is receiving your energy.
When we become hurt after a relationship ends or after a loved one has inflicted intentional or unintentional pain upon us, we MUST detach the person from their actions and recognize they are hurting as well, which is what caused them to inflict pain on us in the first place.
Have compassion for their journey and allow yourself to heal so that you can continue to be the beautiful soul that you know you are. Do not allow another person’s hurt to change you into someone unrecognizable.
The regret that you will have is spending months or even YEARS attempting to hurt someone who is numb to your hurtful actions, when you could have spent that time loving on others and attracting pleasurable experiences into your life. And we’re talking about PLEASURE in all ways imaginable!! If hurt people hurt people, just imagine what healed people loving other healed people does. It creates an atmosphere of pure authentic bliss!
Recognize that through our H.U.R.T, we truly do love one another in the best way we know how. No one wins when the intention is to hurt someone else because you assume they have hurt you intentionally. Allow that person the space to heal, and if it is meant for you to cross paths later on, then life will magnetize you together again. Use that time to heal yourself instead of inflicting pain on yourself through various desperate methods.
HURT + HURT = 2X HURT (Sadness, bitterness, anger, regret, jealously, envy, etc.)
HURT + INNER CHILD HEALING + LOVE + TIME + COMPASSION – HURT = PURA VIDA
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE HEALS ALL
LOVE ALWAYS WINS
LOVE IS THE ANSWER
ATTRACTING MORE H.U.R.T IS NOT THE ANSWER
LOVE FEELS FREE
DON’T GO THROUGH HURT JUST TO HURT MORE, GROW THROUGH THE HURT
To download worksheets and/or affirmations to boost your journey of healing, visit our shop using the link below or in the menu bar.
The H.U.R.T. exercise has been extended in this printable download that you can find in our shop:
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