*Please listen to the audio in conjunction with this post*
(And excuse my children in the background. But at least this shows I am human and I am not perfect. So I left it unedited/as is.)
My acronym for hurt, H.U.R.T., stands for Harboring Unresolved and Residual Traumas.
- (of a problem, question, or dispute) not resolved.
- (of a person) uncertain of what to think or do.
- (of a physical state or property) remaining after the removal of or present in the absence of a causative agent.
When we learn to transcend hurtful events in our life, we won’t have to attach the hurt to the person who afflicted or is afflicting the pain. We have to recognize that we are all here on a journey of healing and a part of the lessons that had to be learned unfortunately came from undesirable hurt.
Beyonce’ explains it in the best way I could understand in her song of redemption that was triggered by a hurtful event in her relationship to her spouse.
Found the truth beneath your lies
And true love never has to hide
I’ll trade your broken wings for mine
I’ve seen your scars and kissed your crime
They say true love’s the greatest weapon
To win the war caused by pain (Pain)
But every diamond has imperfections
But my love’s too pure to watch it chip away
Oh, nothing real can be threatened
True love breathes salvation back into me
With every tear came redemption
And my torturer became a remedy
-Beyonce’ “All Night”
This was her lesson that she placed into a melody in order to transcend her own hurt. As a matter of fact, the whole album “Lemonade” was a journey through all of her emotions surrounding her hurt in her relationship. Notice she did not stop at anger or sadness. She kept moving through those emotions until she reached the pinnacle. She recognized that her spouse was a hurt person as well and that is why he unintentionally hurt her…he loved her in the best way that he knew how. As easy as it would have been to inflict pain back onto him, she realized that he has suffered enough throughout his life. Why hurt someone you LOVE with MORE hurt. If I hurt you after you hurt me, then we’re just a big hurt mess. But if I show compassion for you and OVERstand your prior hurt and issues that may have caused you to act irrationally towards me, then we can move past all of our hurts together and get to a space where we can ONLY be loving to one another…because we are both whole and healed individuals radiating unconditional love towards one another.
Now, I am in no way asking anyone to EXCUSE the behavior of another person. I will get into how we can move forward with our lives without obligating ourselves to connect with individuals who refuse to heal. However, I am saying we cannot give hurt POWER over our lives and keep us in a space of bitterness, anger, regret, etc. This does NOTHING to empower you and propel you forward to other life lessons. You will become stuck in a never-ending cycle that will eventually wear you out. And you will look up and realize you are operating in a manner that will hurt your children, your friends, and anyone else who is receiving your energy.
When we become hurt after a relationship ends or after a loved one has inflicted intentional or unintentional pain upon us, we MUST detach the person from their actions and recognize they are hurting as well, which is what caused them to inflict pain on us in the first place. Have compassion for their journey and allow yourself to heal so that you can continue to be the beautiful soul that you know you are. Do not allow another person’s hurt to change you into someone unrecognizable. The regret that you will have is spending months or even YEARS attempting to hurt someone who is numb to your hurtful actions, when you could have spent that time loving on others and attracting pleasurable experiences into your life. And we’re talking about PLEASURE in all ways imaginable!! If hurt people hurt people, just imagine what healed people loving other healed people does. It creates an atmosphere of pure authentic bliss!
Recognize that through our H.U.R.T, we truly do love one another in the best way we know how. No one wins when the intention is to hurt someone else because you assume they have hurt you intentionally. Allow that person the space to heal, and if it is meant for you to cross paths, life will magnetize you together again. Use that time to heal yourself instead of inflicting pain on yourself through various desperate methods.
HURT + HURT = 2X HURT (Sadness, bitterness, anger, regret, jealously, envy, etc.)
HURT + INNER CHILD HEALING + LOVE + TIME + COMPASSION – HURT = PURA VIDA
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE HEALS ALL
LOVE ALWAYS WINS
LOVE IS THE ANSWER
ATTRACTING MORE H.U.R.T IS NOT THE ANSWER
LOVE FEELS FREE
DON’T GO THROUGH HURT JUST TO HURT MORE, GROW THROUGH THE HURT