This song played as we were making our way to Cartagena….
We called this trip our vacation while on a permanent vacation since leaving the U.S. and starting over in Colombia. This may seem like a song that would be indifferent for someone like me, but I found myself bobbing my head and singing along as the taxi made its way to the airport.
She says, “We’ve gotta hold on to what we’ve got.
It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not.
We’ve got each other and that’s a lot.
For love we’ll give it a shot.”
Whoa, we’re half way there
Whoa, livin’ on a prayer
Take my hand and we’ll make it – I swear
Whoa, livin’ on a prayer
Normally I am a closed book when it comes to the world, especially social media. But a close friend once told me that I should start sharing my experience because someone else may benefit from it. So I will give y’all a snippet of my life.
My husband and I met when we were 19. Dropped out of college and joined the military together at age 20.
Married at 21. And now we’re 27. My Aunt told me if we made it past the first 5 years we were golden. I was so naive back then I was like that’s easy what’s the worse that could happen? Well, in between those years we have been through every up and down you can possibly think of EXCEPT domestic violence.
*Basic military separation with little to no contact
*A year of Military Technical school separation
*Dual military active duty service
*Our daughter became seriously ill shortly after birth (2012) and we almost lost her
*Lost my Father-in-law ON our anniversary
*Insecurities, frustration, confusion, doubt, LIES on both sides
*Getting on each other’s LAST NERVE
*A million and one divorce threats LOL
*Major decisions like permanently separating from the military and selling all of our things to begin new life outside of the U.S.
And more that I will keep between us. But you get the point!
So much for a young couple right? From the time we said I DO tests were thrown at us to verify if we really meant those words. And honestly, I look back over all of these trials and I wouldn’t trade this experience for nothing or no one. It has grown us in ways we never imagined. I believe the saying “If a person can’t be down with you during your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.” And that’s the greatest part about my love.
NOW I can truly say we are unbreakable. He is my homie, lover, friend, my rider, my boo thang, all of that!! LOL. We don’t have to hide behind anything with each other. So when you see those smiles framed as my blog’s avatar, know that it’s REAL. All of the dirt and tears made us appreciate and protect what we have.
So I say this to anyone out there that may feel like they’ve reached the end with their spouse or long term partner. Think about everything you have built with this person before you walk away. You may not have had the perfect fairy tale beginning like the next couple but it doesn’t mean you have to have a terrible ending. You can heal ANY situation if you allow healing. Trust that. How unconditional is your love for your spouse?
Do you love them ONLY when the conditions are right? Or will you be willing to stick it out for better or worse like you said?
Nothing this strong comes easy. True love has to stand the test of time.
The times that we wanted to throw in the towel, I’m glad we chose to fight at another chance to love one another, even if it meant another disappointment…another heartache…another argument…..
Yes being in LOVE is a risk within itself because it is a vulnerable position to be in. You may make it and you may not! But taking the risk is worth all of the benefits.
For those who seek compassion with a significant other, and I specify this because everyone will not seek compatibility which is OKAY…
The joy of having a best friend next to you at all times is an unexplainable feeling. I can compare it to the first time I saw my child exiting out of my wound. The feeling of waking up to someone who doesn’t mind smelling your stinky breath or looking at your hair all over your head in the morning…I’m talking about RAW UNFILTERED LOVE!!
My husband is someone I have told my deepest secrets, and the same vice versa. We have invested so much into this relationship it would be more foolish to walk away and start over when we can just continue to sort out our differences amongst each other. Because truth be told, no one will ever be perfect.
Women, we can make a long list of PERFECT MAN requirements, and I guarantee the love of your life will fall short on at LEAST one of those checklist items.
I’m not advocating for ANYONE to accept a person who is disrespectful or showing a lack of control over personal issues. A person has to be a WILLING participant in fixing their problems. Meaning their change should not come with force or threats to harm their life.
Love is not CONTROLLED. When you place ultimatums over anyone’s head, the outcome will most likely be them running full speed in the opposite direction. Allow your partner to see the flaws in their decisions IN THEIR OWN REASONABLE TIMING. And if that timing is too exhaustive for you…it’s causing you to get out of character..then other steps should be taken to consider if the two of you are a good match.
If you choose to stick it out, then I AM advocating for you to look deep into your love’s heart. Are they intentionally hurting you? Or could it be possible that you have a misUNDERstanding of who they really are? Are there underlying unresolved dilemmas from their past? Have you taken the time to assist them with their healing? Does this person have compassion or are they getting over on your willingness to love them unconditionally? The answers to these questions will lie in their actions. We ALL make mistakes and we are all constantly maturing. But mistakes should be lessons and not repeated offenses.
I have discovered that one of my life purposes is to share my truth with many so that restoration can take place in homes across the world. In order for love to prosper all over the earth, it starts in our most sacred places…the household….amongst family..
Why? Because it’s easy to care for a stranger. When there is no connection or vow attached to a person, sharing love for a moment takes little effort. But when it’s the person who has hurt your feelings, disappointed you in some area, a person who maybe has been deceitful in the past…this is harder. And it takes practice. This type of love takes commitment because of the present challenges.
I believe that if any being can master this skill, then spreading love all over the earth should be a piece of cake for them. With racism and other hateful propaganda in society, this form of unconditional love is needed more than ever.
Let’s be the change and restore genuine LOVE. Make friendships, relationships, partnerships and marriages last forever. Each one teach one..
We are all in some way living on a prayer, a hope, a WISH, a dream…but our living is not in vain. Love is a vibration that never dies…our vessels are being used to make this earth beautiful again.
I know it may seem as if the Universe has a slow response to our benevolent actions but keep your eyes and ears WIDE open…the benediction is nearer than we imagine….
3 Comments Add yours
Beautiful, your writing is so captive and held me hostage for every word. I love reading your work. Please keep these post coming you have helped me find prospective in my marriage.
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Thank you so much that gives me encouragement to keep going knowing that I have helped someone’s marriage. 💗💗💗💗
Love is Love… Life is Life and both are Hard Work! I have found that trust in God makes the walk a lot easier and sure enough, more bearable! You and I think a lot a like and see life through it’s many prisms and accept that it’s a beautiful thing. Keep going! 🙂
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