Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has.

~Elizabeth O’Connor

Jealousy is one of the emotions that I have struggled to comprehend for years.

Jealousy in a relationship..envying the “other woman”….are reasonable feelings that need little to no explanation. But envying a person because of a personality trait, social status, or material possessions that another doesn’t have are emotions that begin with an internal struggle.

I’m no psychologist. However, I have experience growing up in a home with three other siblings. The rivalry between us was mostly due to differing personalities. Yet, other arguments originated from one sibling receiving more favor or awards over another sibling.

For many children, jealousy begins at home with family. Parents may unknowingly give one child more attention…more smiles..more kisses..more “I love yous”..etc.

On the contrary, there are a handful of parents who use sibling jealousy as a manipulative technique to control their children.

Whatever the cause, there’s usually an effect that lasts a lifetime…and can be a damaging illness if not treated accordingly.

I would like to offer an ounce of guidance.

You may not have the job you want right now but guess what…someone else is jobless. You may have barely been able to crank up that car this morning…but guess what.. you have transportation….

BE HUMBLE… modest..meek…unarrogant…wanting nothing more than to live a life that YOU are satisfied with.

Every thing has its season. Daily, we visualize how nature responds to the rotation of equinoxes. Our circumstances are similar to this natural phenomena.

“I want to have a degree before our ten-year class reunion”

“I want to be married before I get too old”

“I want to be in a relationship since everyone else is in love”

Are these goals reasonable? Do you truly DESIRE these things or do you feel PRESSURED to attain it because someone else has it?

These are some important questions we should ask ourselves whenever we strive to achieve THINGS in this material world.

Furthermore, who set the CLOCK for when a person has to reach certain achievements?! Do you have a belief that you will somehow collapse before a certain age?

I overstand…sometimes parents can be the top individuals who place burdens on their children to:

• live a life in which they never lived.
• attain something BETTER so that they (as parents) can be beneficiaries in the future. Pressuring a child to “pay-back” as an adult for the mother’s lack of assistance from the child’s father.
• live a life that is proof of their excellent parenting skills
• live a life according to religious practices

Peer pressure MAY spring from all or none of these.

But it also comes from society’s standards….

And it comes from OURSELVES…..within…internal pressure.

TIME only exists when we are consciously aware of these numbers..schedules..dates.

For example, when I worked full time in the military, time seemed to pass FAST because of my busy schedule. I never had “time” to enjoy my family. But since becoming a homemaker, time doesn’t exist for me. I am barely able to keep up with days of the week or holidays. I am only aware of day and night due to the light from the sun and moon. And of course occasional glances at the calendar when our family schedules events.

I see many on social media setting time goals for relationships, marriage, children, degrees, etc. etc. I can often feel the awkward..unsettling vibes radiating off of my cell phone screen..picturing a person striving to mimic another.

The popular hashtags #relationshipgoals #marriagegoals #lifegoals appear after a shared post or picture….

But what is YOUR goal?

I have to remind myself that I am ME. I AM NOT anyone else except for myself. So MY desires, wants, and ambitions will be different than the next person. Therefore I cannot HOPE for another’s dream because it will not be tailored to fit ME. I can only walk in MY TRUTH practicing MY ulterior motives each chance I get.

You guys…Life is really as simple as we make it or as hard as we make it.

Life is not a competition! You live each day to create a better tomorrow FOR YOURSELF but you don’t have to compete with anyone because we are different for a reason. How boring would that be if everyone were the same?

The greatness of others should only be motivation for us IF there are certain aspects about an individual that is harmonious with our self. Meaning, if I do not desire to be a billionaire, I shouldn’t set tasks for myself to complete in order to reach this destination. If I do not aspire to be a chef, I should not motivate myself to be the greatest cook of all time. Setting goals when the desire does not reside in YOU would be merely out of covetous intentions.

Too many people set missions because of insecurities within themselves and wanting to prove a point. Or because of their prideful attitude..not willing to accept the greatness of others. Furious because a person may be younger yet have successfully conquered certain karmic lessons at an earlier age.

Like the Rock’s famous slogan…..IT DOESN’T MATTER!!!

SO WHAT if you don’t have a Beyonce and Jay-Z relationship. You see the beautiful parts decorated across social media, but you will never see the struggles. EVERY relationship has its problems. Are you an individual that enjoys time alone?! There is no harm in that! Singleness can be pure bliss for some!

SO WHAT if you don’t have your Bachelor’s or Master’s degree and you’re pushing 30. What other skills do you possess that do not require a degree?! Many people have been successful without having to take this route.

SO WHAT if you don’t have children and you’re in the prime of your life. Is the desire in you to bear children? Or would you be happier traveling the world without the responsibility of nurturing/teaching other human beings? This is a huge responsibility!

SO WHAT if you don’t own a home and you have been separated from your parent’s nest for ten years or more. Is the desire in YOU to own a home? Or do you aspire to live a life free from debt? Would you rather live without the burden of a home loan and the upkeep of land?

Whatever YOUR preference is, if it is pleasing to YOU then YOUR LIFE IS FINE!

I cannot stress this enough. Never allow anyone to bully you into a space only to find yourself miserable down the road.

jeal·ous/ˈjeləs/ adjective

feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.

You know there’s people in this world that will look at the lives of others and they will structure their goals and ambitions around what someone else has. Not only will they do this, but they will strive to get something BETTER than what another has……Or excuse me, in their mind better because what THEY have is what THEY are content with. Literally making a checklist to be sure to UP ONE someone else.
It is just a senseless race…unnecessary negative energy.

No matter how one may try to slice it, IF you lust after what someone else has….ideals, aspirations, intentions, objectives….out of opposition or envy..that is JEALOUSY!

Those who have this mentality never stop to realize that they’re not dimming anyone else’s light by getting something better, they’re only fooling themselves. Because what they have (the envious individual), they’re not pleased with. That’s not really what they wanted for themselves. Most likely, due to this habit of wanting what others have, the jealousy inhibits them from KNOWING what they REALLY want for themselves!

If this is YOU, then NOW is the time to figure out #lifegoals that are tailored to YOU! You’re rushing your way through life unhappy….bitter spirited….

And while you’re eyeballing so and so for what they have, you’re wasting precious moments…..missing out on creating YOUR manifestations…

You’re like a car with no gas…getting NOWHERE because you’re taking yourself away from the opportunity to work hard for yours!

That person you’re competing with in your mind, because it’s ONLY a mental competition, is not worried about you, they’re investing their time. Instead of hating use them as an example and get some tips! Just ASK! You’re not going to look inferior to them if you do it the right way.

Okay I’ll help you. Just say “Hey girl!” or “Hey Man”, “I admire your success! You are really making things happen for yourself! Can you suggest any tips for me?!” BAM! Two snaps you’re getting somewhere now!

Remember this….When a person has the mindset of a winner, there is NOTHING anyone will EVER be able to do to break that winning spirit. You’re going to be looking really ridiculous trying to compete. And you’ll be disappointed to find out you’ve lost again and again and again.

Humans…Think of the ants and how plentiful they are. Each has its own job in the task to gather food and return it back to the community. You never see an ant running over another…you never see an ant step out of line to see if another ant is doing its job correctly…because each knows their rightful place..their PURPOSE. They know to COMBINE THEIR TALENTS so they don’t starve at the end of the day.

This is a lesson….

Let’s respect that our paths in life are different. Instead of competing, congratulate someone today for their accomplishments. Let’s encourage and motivate each other to do better. With all of these talents, we could build something beautiful as a nation. No one has to feel “left behind”. Start TODAY planning YOUR life. What is your purpose on this earth? What can you contribute to the bettering of society?